How do we tell the kids?

As those of you that follow me may know, I have 2 wonderful children, Bito and Nena. I would tell you their government names but you probably can’t pronounce them and almost everyone I know, has no idea what their real names are – so let’s stick with Bito and Nena. Actually, I refer to them as “bitonena” because they are one unit of child.

What I mean is, when I tell one of them to stop doing shit, the other one IMMEDIATELY starts doing the same shit I just told the other one to stop doing so I got into the habit of telling them both to stop doing shit. When we are leaving the house? Bitonena go get ready. Somebody walking around the apartment with cement shoes on? Bitonena stop stomping around! Saves me time from having to tell one of them, and then the other.

So before I tell you how we told them about Brooke being trans and myself being bisexual, let me tell you a little bit about my kids…

Princess Nena

The kindest and most aggravating girl in the world is my daughter Nena. She is too smart for her own good, she is her own worst enemy, and she is freaking HILARIOUS!! Sometimes… She is definitely goofy and she is herself. No one else. That is my favorite about her. She doesn’t give a fuck what is cool or what everyone else is doing – she is who she is. She is fucking awesome and she KNOOOOWWWSSS it already.

Nena has mild dyslexia and she has learned to appreciate that about herself. She loves to do her make-up and she ALREADY KNOWS everything that you can possibly tell her. She has always been the sweetest person you will ever meet and I have watched her literally giver the jacket off her back or the food on her plate to a stranger all on her own because she saw they had a need. She is also the biggest asshole when she gets into her mood. As Brooke would describe her, “She’s a weeble-wobble head ass”. At the end of the day, she makes me proud and stressed because I know she is capable of so much more than she lets herself do.

Big Booty Bito

My son is the quintessential Italian mama’s boy. He is very protective of his mama, he needs his mama, and he is the most perfect little boy in the entire world. He is the protective type with his sister and he is protective of Brooke, even though sometimes he pretends not to like her (it’s all for show…). He cries during soppy movies and loves those love songs that we grew up on. You know, that old school R&B where they’re singing about pussy in the rain and shit.

Bito is also an overachiever that has impossible standards for himself. He plays soccer on a travel team (plays center-mid) and loves to cook. He has always been the smartest kid in his class – literally. He is sarcastic and his humor is developed well beyond his years. He loves to walk around naked, watch anime, and play fortnight. He is also the NOSIEST FUCKING KID EVER!! God!! He is so fucking nosey… always in my business. He makes me so proud to be his mom, I just wish he wan’t always so hard on himself and learned that even when he loses, he still wins.

The Talk

When Brooke finally decided that she wanted to be a woman, we immediately thought about the kids. How are we going to live this life of truth with children? I started the conversation talking to the kids about sex. I know, I know… it was rough because bitonena were 9 and 7 at the time and the concept was not something that they even knew about. Was it a bit early? Probably, I felt like it couldn’t wait. I told them that Brooke wanted to be a girl and not a boy anymore. They were confused and initially, they were quiet. Then after about 30 minutes they started asking questions… A LOT of questions.

“Why doesn’t he like being a boy?”

“Does this mean that he is going to be different?”

“Will he still love us?”

“Does that mean that he is gay?”

“How do you become a girl?”

“I think he will be an ugly girl.”

Obviously I didn’t have all the answers and Brooke was not ready to answer some of the questions either because she, herself, had no idea. Some of it was just kids being kids in all of their honest glory that can sometimes be hurtful, while other parts were about feeling secure in their relationship with her. Some of it was about what my thoughts were and how the relationship between Brooke and I would work.

Nena’s notes when she is upset

Over time, their questions were answered (some of them were a little sensitive so we told them that we weren’t ready to answer them or we felt that it was something that was appropriate to answer at this time). They accepted Brooke for who she was. It took Brooke more time to accept herself than it took them to accept her. She was always afraid that the kids would be bullied or made fun of – and that is still a very real fear that we face everyday. However, we have come to find that if they have a strong and supportive home where they feel safe, and 2 moms that will throat punch anyone that tried to make them feel bad…. they will face adversity but they will also have the tools and resources to overcome it.

The other fear was the backlash from their father, Viejo, who is the most misogynistic Trump supporting asshole in the world. Brooke didn’t want her desire for transitioning to affect my custody of the children. It hasn’t, and it hasn’t come up as we have been quite strategic about it but the constant “hate talk” is apparent and it is something that the children work through with myself and a counselor. I don’t have all the answers and I am not afraid to ask for help if it means my babies mental or emotional health is on the line. I will do anything for them with a smile on my face regardless of how much it might hurt. Then I’ll ask for another…

They really are amazing kids. I couldn’t have asked for better children. They make myself and Brooke feel so accepted and loved and we love them more than anything else in the world. We are not perfect by any means, but we accept each other as we are and that is perfect for us.

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